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Q.Hello aunties,
My question is: Do I have to get married
where my parents want?
I live about 250 miles away from my parents,
my relatives are scattered around the country, whereas
my fiances relatives live near us.
We would both like to marry in a church,
and prefer to be married in our local church. However
my parents want us to marry from their home.
Does tradition insist that I marry from
my parents home town? Or is it acceptable to marry from
my own home town?
Thanks for your help
A1. I think that probably you already
know the answer to this but just need some support making
your choice.
You can get married wherever you would like and it seems
that you have set your heart on marrying in your own home
town. This is perfectly acceptable and under the circumstances
seems to make perfect sense as I would guess that the majority
of your friends are where you live and work now, you already
state that your own family are scattered somewhat, so they
would have to travel anyway. Certainly tradition dictates
that the bride marries from her parents home, but these
days, many of these traditions have gone by the wayside,
with couples choosing to marry abroad, to marry in hotels
- the list could go on.
Sit down with your parents again, tell them that you have
really set your heart on marrying in your own home town
church and point out the obvious reasons why this would
be the better option. However, please make a special effort
to reassure your parents that you need their input and involvement,
especially your mom. Maybe tell her that you want to buy
your wedding dress from their home town and will obviously
need her with you. They may feel a little disappointed a
first, but once you start making the arrangements and making
sure that you keep them informed with whats going on with
lots of phone calls and stuff, I feel sure that they will
soon get over it. If your budget allows, why not arrange
for them to stay in a lovely hotel in your home town and
make sure that there is champagne and flowers in their room
on arrival.
(Answered by Tracey Ellis)
A2. Thanks for your e-mail. This is a really difficult situation
that you are in and there is no easy answer! It really depends
on who is paying for the wedding. If your parents are paying
for the wedding and are adamant that it is to be near their
home, then you should really go with their wishes. If this
is not the case, then of course you are free to marry wherever
you choose. Whilst it is traditional for a bride to marry
from her home town, most couples are now choosing the location
that suits them best. Maybe if you could explain to your
parents how important it is for you to marry at your local
church they may be willing to compromise?
(Answered
by Suzie Gillespie)
A3. You can get married in any area you like. Your mum and
dad are just trying to do the right thing. Traditions exist
but you don't have implement all of them. It is not only
practical for you to get married in your home town, but
it is also what you want. Explain this to your parents,
I am sure they will understand.
(Answered
by Mrs S)
A4. With couples living together before they are married
being the norm these days, brides tend to leave from their
own homes now. They get married in their local church and
have the reception close by. As your parents live so far
away it would be hard for you to have much say in the preparations
if it were to be closer to them. I would try and include
your parents in the planning as much as possible so they
dont feel excluded and for any relatives who could not attend
your wedding due to any distances involved allow your parents
to throw you a post -wedding get together after your honeymoon,
let them organise this themselves so that they feel that
they have control with this function. Hopefully this will
give them the best of both worlds.
(Answered
by Emma Bennet)
A5. Our philosophy is that you
have the wedding that you want...
It is always difficult when there is 'conflict' with parents,
as if they are paying, they can hold some sway! Parents
have generally been brought up with the idea that their
darling daughter will come home to get married. If you keep
that in mind, it may help keep the 'discussions' sensible.
There are may good reasons for getting married locally to
where you live. The first and perhaps most important is
that with such a distance between you and your parents,
you won't have to make endless (and stressful) journeys
to your parents. That's not to say you won't include them
of course!! You can argue that if you hold the wedding near
your parents, it might alienate your fiance's family...
whereas holding it local to you, is more neutral. You also
don't want to overburden either family... holding the wedding
in your area means that you can undertake certain elements,
and can still ask for parental input at key stages.
The key point throughout is that it makes it easier for
you, and you want to equally involve all parts of the respective
families...
I hope that these few ideas help.
Very best wishes,
(Answered
by Emma Pirie)
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