A1.The 'correct' thing to do would
be to have your Father's name on the invitations as 'the host'
but there's no rule saying this has to be done, especially when
you're uncomfortable with it. Your partner and yourself could
be the hosts so the invitation would start 'Miss XX and Mr XX
request the pleasure of your company at their wedding...' Or
your invitations could be more contemporary and not have any
hosts named at the start. These would just state 'You're invited
to join us for our
wedding on...'. If you're not having a formal wedding, you really
don't need formal invitations and perhaps missing of the traditional
'hosts'
would solve a lot of problems! Any stationery company should
be able to give you lots of ideas for wordings to get around
this situation.
Good luck and I really hope you find the perfect solution soon!
(Answered
by Tamryn Kirby)
A2. I'm sorry
to hear you are having difficulties with family in the run up
to your wedding. Can I ask who is paying for the wedding? If
it is you and your fiance then in fact you can send the invitations
from yourself. If your Father is contributing, then it should
really be just his name, it would be different if your Step
Mother bought you up. I don't see how this is being cruel especially
as you are having her at the top table and she is a witness,
this is a lot more then some brides would do. Don't be bullied
and stick to your decision, explain to your Step Mother that
you do still want her involved in your day but feel the invite
should say your Fathers name only.
Hope this helps
(Answered
by Bernadett Chapman)
A3. I get
so many brides asking what they should do in this situation.
Thankfully weddings are much more relaxed than they used to
be – or at least they should be. Therefore when it comes
to wording, there is no strict protocol, only guidelines.
Many weddings I have organised have had the invites
come from the couple and not the parents. Therefore, you could
have the invites saying that you and your fiancé would
like “such and such” to join them…..thus leaving
your father and step-mum’s name off the invite. Your stationer
should be able to provide you with lots of alternatives.
To be fair this lady may not have brought you
up but she is now your father’s life partner and if your
dad and your step mum are paying, and you wish to follow “tradition”
then it is only right that both names be on the invite.
At the end of the day, the thing to remember is
that you are getting married to a wonderful man - try not to
let the details get in the way of a fantastic celebration!!!
Good luck.
(Answered
by Aileen Boyle)
A4.Weddings are such a
stressful time and it is very sad that your father is making
an issue out of this. I think it is incredibly generous of you
to invite your step mother to be a witness and to be part of
the top table.
Would it be possible to speak direct with your step mother about
this? if you can get her to understand your position then she
would possibly be able to talk your father round.
As far as protocol goes, there is no set rule, it is quite common
for it to be just the father name on the invitation. Sometimes
of course, if a step
parent has been part of the brides life for a long time then
their name would also appear on the invitation. I think as she
has only been married
to your father for four years and as she did not raise you as
a child that it would not be expected to have her as host to
the wedding.
I would try speaking to your step mother and your father again
and try to stress that it is something that you feel strongly
about.
Good luck.
(Answered
by Suzie Gillespie)
A5.I am sorry
you have lost your mother, and only seven years ago. That would
have been a huge upset and devastating time for you, and still
will be. My understanding is that you have respect for your
dad's new wife, but you clearly do not regard her as your mother
and never will.
Although you have asked this lady to be a witness and she will
be beside your dad at your bridal table, you feel she should
not be mentioned on the wedding invitations. You are obviously
missing your mother especially at such a precious time in your
life, and in some way you feel within your heart that this is
not right.
Your dad on the other hand feels that you have asked his new
wife to be a witness, and be at the bridal table therefore he
probably feels why not on the wedding invitations as well. Your
friends and family will understand and realise how this may
make you feel.
Whilst some people may think it inappropriate you could mention
in memory of your mother at the bottom of the invitation - although
some people may believe that might add an air of sadness on
your special day (maybe not).
There are other ways to acknowledge your late mother by using
her favourite flower, or use her favourite colour for your table
line, dance to her favourite song, you will know what she liked.
I wish you well, good luck
(Answered
by Mrs S)
