Q. We are having immediate family as our guests, there will be 15 including ourselves. A few questions, is it ok to ask our guests to be colour coordinated with what the groom wears? Also at our wedding breakfast we will be having one long table please can you guide me on seating arrangements? Finally I would like my mother to give me away as I don't have any contact with my father, my step-father will be there, does he give a speech or my mother?

A1. Thankfully we are now at a stage where weddings are no longer bound by the old traditions.

Why not ask your guests to colour co-ordinate – you are giving plenty of notice and you could always run a theme through your wedding, into your invites and then guests will more fully understand what you would like for your day. I think it is a great idea!

I have know of many instances where the mother of the bride gave her away – traditions have to move with the times. As for a speech, since your mum gave you away, technically she could give a speech. But it is entirely up to you mum. Some parents are so nervous that they don’t make a speech at all – it is whatever everyone feels comfortable with. You may wish to to have your step father do something to make him feel more included – with only 15 guests, it should be easy to do.
(Answered by Aileen Boyle)


A2. It's great that you are having an intimate wedding... and certainly don't be shy about asking your guests to colour co-ordinate with you. Lots of people do it, and some people even ask their guests to dress in themed costume, so don't worry about 'just' asking for a certain colour! The more notice you give them, the easier it will be for your guests, and less likely that they will already have bought something else to wear!

With regard to seating arrangements, I simply suggest that you specify where everyone sits, and don't worry about 'tradition' too much! I believe that traditions are there to offer a guide... some people follow them to the letter, others want a more personalised day, so do as they want, and as suits their situation.

Asking your mother to give you away is a lovely gesture... I speak from experience, as my mother gave me away. I am lucky enough to see my father regularly, but as my mother brought me up, I felt it more appropriate for her to be giving me away! As for speeches, do whatever suits you (and them) best! It might be nice if your mum gave the speech, but we often see mums getting emotional at weddings, so if it is too much for her, you could ask your step-father, or another relation/friend who knows you well. Whatever you decide, ensure it feels right for you! There is so much family diversity now, that the strict traditions of fathers giving away, certain people making speeches etc, are often no longer appropriate. For example, we've had a Best Woman instead of Best Man, and male bridal attendants... couples choose people who will support them best.

Whatever you do, enjoy your day, and feel free to come back to us with any further questions!
With very best wishes,
(Answered by Emma Pirie)


A3. It is unusual but acceptable to make a request that if possible, guests are to wear a certain colour. I think it is very important to give everyone as much notice of this as possible so they dont buy outfits in the wrong colour and then have to change them (with only 15 people you could alert them to this now to avoid any problems). I think it is also important that you make it a request and not a demand so if they have strong feelings about this or really dont like/suit the colour you have chosen they can wear what they choose.
For the wedding meal, with one long table, seating should not be a problem. It is usual to have the parents either side of the bride and groom and the bestman and bridesmaids close, then the rest is up to you.
It is a lovely idea for your mother to give you away and for the speeches, perhaps ask her if she would prefer to do this or maybe she would like your step father to speak.
Hope this helps and good luck with your plans.
[Answered by Suzie Gillespie]

A4. This sounds almost carbon copy of my own wedding to be held in Scotland in December!

There is no reason why you should not specify a "dress code" for your guests, my own invitations specify evening wear. You may have seen celebrity "black and white weddings", so you can see that this is perfectly acceptable. As there is only a small number of guests and they are family, I would imagine that they would be happy to go along with your theme. it is not as though you are trying to coordinate a hundred or so guests.

For the long table, I would suggest, working from yourselves outwards and make the middle part of the table the traditional top table line up, then the bridal party, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles etc.

There is no problem with your mother giving you away and if she would like to make the speech, then this would be OK too. Basically, whatever you want, you should be able to have. This is your wedding and if your step-father wanted to make a speech and you are happy for him to do it, then go for it.

Hoping you have a fantastic day!
[Answered by Tracey Ellis]