A1.You
could say to your Mother that she automatically plays an
important role because she is your Mother and no-one can
take that away from her, after you and the groom, she will
be centre of attention. Why don't you also organise
a shopping trip to find an outfit for her, I know it will
be a long day but could help the situation. You could then
say because your Step-Mother is now part of your family
you want to 'give' her a role so SHE doesn't feel left out.
Confirm that you appreciate it may upset her but it is important
to you that both Mother & Step-Mother are involved without
any annimosity. on the most important day of your life.
Rather then bridesmaid why don't you ask your
Step-Mother to be Maid of Honor?I hope this helps
(Answered by Bernadette Chapman)
A2.This is a
very difficult situation to handle as I know you do not
want to alienate anyone or cause bad feelings on the day
of your wedding.
I dont think you should tell your mother that her involvement
is not necessary, as this would certainly upset her. Could
you maybe subtly limit
her involvement yet still make her feel important? Maybe
you could ask your mother to be one of the witnesses?
Do you have to have your step mother as bridesmaid? I am
sure this would be very difficult for your mother to deal
with and will definately cause tension and bad feeling on
the day. Again, maybe you could find another role for your
step mother? I am sure your step mother understands how
grateful you are for all her help and support and you may
find that she would may well feel unconfortable as bridesmaid
given the situation?
The main thing is to avoid tension and bad feeling as this
will spoil your day. It may be worth making a few compromises
to keep the peace?!
Good luck.
(Answered
by Suzie Gillespie)
A3. It's one of the hardest
things about having step-families and trying to keep everyone
happy, knowing how to handle difficult situations.
However, you can only do your best and hope everyone understands.
If not you must remember that you have to do what feels
right for you and your fiance and if that is having your
step-mother as your bridesmaid then that's what you should
do. You could explain to your mum that you appreciate all
of her help but you also appreciate your step-mum's involvement
and support and want to reciprocate by asking her to be
your bridesmaid. The role of 'mother of the bride' is of
equal status and by pointing out that this is
the role she will be playing, you will be offering the bridesmaid
alternative to your step-mum as it is only fair and appropriate.
Hopefully this will assuage her and allow her to feel she
can 'keep face'. At the same time, you get to share your
day with your step-mum in the way you want and avoid any
unnecessary upset. Good luck,
(Answered
by Siobhan Barron)
A4. What a tricky situation
for you. Dealing with family issues is always hard but seems
to be more so at weddings when everything is so 'visible'.
I would suggest you confront this with your mother and be
quite clear about everything so there can be no room for
misinterpretation. You could mention that as the family
situation is a little complicated, you're trying to limit
everyone's involvement so no-one does more than anyone else.
If you do want your step-mother to accompany you, it might
be nice for your mother to do a reading or make a toast
so that she is slightly involved but you have your step-mother
with you as that seems to be very important to you. A little
gesture could make all the difference and prevent any bad
feeling. Be sure to mention that the decisions regarding
the wedding are yours and that you haven't been, and don't
want to be, influence by anyone else as it's your day. Good
luck, I do hope everything works out for you.
(Answered
by Tamryn Kirby)
A5. I can see your dilema,
the first thing I would say to you is don't worry too much
about this it can be sorted, don't let this spoil making
your wedding plans.
Your mother probably feels that she wants to be part of
your special day and maybe she is hoping that you approve
of this, and in her mind it could be a way of bringing you
both closer together. I don't think asking your step-mother
to be your bridesmaid should upset anyone too much as this
is a role that your mother wouldn't normally take - I think
everyone concerned will think this is a lovely idea.
I don't know all of the details, therefore I am treading
carefully - but I think your mother would like to be closer
to you, but the important thing is what you want and how
you feel. Would it be so bad if your mother helped you?
If so then may I suggest that you sit her down and break
the news gently. Explain to her that really everything is
under control and there is little for her to do. If she
still is not understanding where you are coming from explain
that you would like to do the organising yourself.
Remember though you can have both your mother and your step-mother
- you don't have to choose between them.
I wish you good luck.
(Answered
by Mrs S)