Rules for Kids

Q. A cousin is getting married at the end of Sept.. One of my sisters children (ages 11-16) are invited, another sisters children (ages 2-6 ) are not. My 7 month old daughter is also invited (I am a bridesmaid), and also relatives from out of town have children that are invited. The reception card states Adult reception, yet she has younger children as part of the wedding. Are we expected to keep our children at a hotel during the reception (it is 3 hrs. away from all of our homes)? My one sisiter is very upset and I'm even thinking about haveing my inlaws babysit my daughter that night. It iwll also be the only time to see relatives coming from out of state. what is the proper thing to do.

A1. I would speak to your cousin and see what she has planned for the evening reception. If you’d feel happier leaving your young daughter with your in-laws, perhaps you could explain to her that you’ll be able to relax more without your daughter being there. Maybe your cousin included your daughter on the invitation as she wasn’t sure if you could get a babysitter and felt that inviting your daughter would mean you could be there for her. I’m guessing that the elder children are invited as your cousin feels that they could handle a later night whereas perhaps the younger children couldn’t.

If you have a good relationship with your cousin, you might like to mention that one sister is upset because her children aren’t invited. I’m sure there’s no malice intended, your cousin has probably made assumptions about the children but just not explained things very well. Maybe by adding ‘adult reception’ to the invitations, she’s trying to dissuade other guests from bringing children – does the venue have restrictions on numbers? Do try and talk to her and get to the bottom of this before the wedding rather than letting this issue cloud the wedding day. Good luck..

(Answered by Tamryn Kirby)

A2.This is a very awkward situation and your cousin should perhaps have explained in person to each sister why some of the children have been invited and some not. Perhaps she feels that the younger toddlers would be more disruptive than a baby and older children?
If at all possible, I would ask your in laws to baby sit for you, then you can relax and enjoy the wedding. This may also make your other sister feel better as she wont be the only one there without her children!
Good luck!
(Answered by Suzie Gillespie)

A2. This sounds quite complicated but could have a simple solution, depending on how you look at it. Reading between the lines, it sounds as if your cousin wishes to have a more 'grown-up'wedding with very few (young) children. The children who are included in the wedding party seem to be exempt from this, her choice. If you and your sisters can see it as a chance to catch up on relatives, arrange for a babysitter and enjoy your day off! Maybe you could all leave your children at home so your sister with the smaller children does not feel penalised. Try not to let it interfere, I'm sure the bride is not intending any harm, it's very difficult trying to get it 'just right' with everyone.

Hope this helps

(Answered by Siobhan Barron)


A3. Don't you just love family squables? LOL The weddings that I direct that have a child problem, per say, I always suggest that a nanny/babysitter be hired (or otherwise aquired) to watch the children at a nearby location. Preferably near enough so that the parents can pop in and check on the children during the reception. Most people who are serving alcohal do not want children present during the reception. No matter how well behaved, even the best children do tend to get bored and have to be supervised , therefor not allowing the parents to completely enjoy theirselves. Often relatives who do not plan on staying long at the reception will volunteer to watch the little darlings, giving them an opportunity to visit with the children, and take care of a need as well. I would suggest discussing this with the couple and find their suggestions on the whole matter, after all it is their wedding and their decision not to include children. As for your sister, tell her to not let her feelings be hurt over this as it seems to me, the ages of the children were the directer in the decision as to invite or not. Your child being an infant will not be up running around the reception area. Tell her to think of it as the couple are, and if it were her wedding. Hope this helps, have a wonderful time and Best Wishes.

(Answered by Brenda Hibbs)