net-weddings - FAQS - The Family

Toddler Trouble

My daughter is getting married in March 05 and we have started planning the wedding together with her and our future son in law. He is the son of good friends of ours' from UK, but moved out here to Australia where we are domiciled. He is probably homesick and a few days ago he sprang a surprise on us the by anouncing that he wants his little niece who will be 11 months old then, to be part of the bridal party walking down the isle.

He seems to have convinced my daughter that the flower girls could carry the toddler in if necessary.

There will be 2 flower girls and a page boy (who is the brother of this 11 month toddler). It appears that our future son in law 'loves' his niece and nephew very much and want them to be involved in the wedding very much.

We objected to our daughter later privately but she seems keen to go along with this plan.

Can you help us with cogent arguments that we can put to them to avoid possible disaster that could occur please?

A1. To be completely honest, I think it’s lovely that he wants his neice to be part of the day. However, I don’t think an 11 month old should be expected to do anything than look sweet, she may not even be walking at the point! If the other children are happy to carry the little girl then fine (and it would look very sweet), if not, perhaps she could just sit with her parents but be in the photos or walk up the aisle between two children (if she is walking)? I don’t think wanting to include her will necessarily make for a ‘disaster’ and at the end of the day, who they choose to be in their wedding party is their decision. As you mentioned, he may well be homesick and be keen to include his family in the wedding. I wouldn’t try to totally dissuade him, just work out some contingency plans to deal with tears or tantrums and everything will be fine. If you’re so set against it, perhaps just point out the unreliability of 11 month old children and let them reach their own decision. Good luck!
(Answered by Tamryn Kirby)

A2. Whilst I understand that it is not ideal to have an 11month old as part of the bridal party, I think that if your future son-in-law feels it is so important to him, and that your daughter is in agreement, that you should be supportive of thier decision. It is not worth falling out over and on the day, I know things will go smoothly!
(Answered by Suzie Gillespie)

A3. I don't see why you think that there should be difficulties with this. If the 11 month is capable of walking there is no reason why she should not hold hands with her brother and walk down the aisle behind your daughter. Maybe the mother of the child could be seated on the aisle so that she can take care of the little one once everybody is in position.

I think that it is very important that you support your daughter and future son in law with this, as it is little things like this that can put heaps of pressure on families and in some cases can lead to unecessary bickering and upset. If your daughter is happy with her fiance's request, then I really do believe that you should work with them on this. It is very rare that a situation can not be worked with and I think that rather than discourage them, you should all get your heads together and see how this little one can be included in the bridal party. It is obviously of great importance to your "son in law".

Without sounding harsh, please do remember that this is your daughters and her fiance's day and you as parents should be bending over backwards to enable her to have the day of her dreams and if this includes the baby being included in the bridal party then this is exactly what should happen. In the big scheme of things, the walk up the aisle is such a small part of the day, that it would be a shame to let something like this to cast a shadow.

I am sure that it will all work out wonderfully!
(Answered by Tracey Ellis)