Two Dads

Please can you help me? I'm due to be married next year and have a problem; my dad left my mum when I was only 14 months old, and my mum remarried my step dad, who has been there for me through everything and we have a really special bond, whereas my blood father has not had much say in my life. I see him more now than when I was young, I love him because he is my dad, if I had it my way though I would have my step dad give me away but then I have the problem of hurting my dad. I don't want to hurt anyone but both sets of parents don't really see eye to eye, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to have run away and get married but I don't want to hurt anyone,

My step dad would be ok with both giving me away but not sure if my dad would, please can you give me any advice, I don't want any more tears before the wedding I want the day of my dreams to come true, help me please,

A1. This must be very stressful for you right now and I sympathise totally. The first thing that you should be determined to do is to have the day of your dreams and if that means having your family around you, then your families will have to bite the bullet for the day and get through it.

As far as the situation with your "dads". I am currently working on a wedding with exactly the same scenario. Our solution was for the bride to have both men walk her down the aisle and both "fathers" will make speeches at the reception. Have you talked to your birth father about this, it is possible that he is already expecting not to take such a big role in the ceremony due to the fact that your step father has brought you up. Another option maybe is to have your step father give you away but get your birth dad to do a reading at the ceremony.

It doesn't sound as though you have spoken to either dad yet, my advice to you would be to see if they would be happy to meet up and talk it through. I am sure that both love you very much and will go along with whatever makes you happy.

Please try not to stress too much, it is still a little way off and much can happen in the meantime. The main thing is for you and your fiance to have the wedding that you both want, to try and get both families on side and to involve them all without comprimising your dreams - good luck and remember, we are here if you need us!!

(Answered by Tracey Ellis)