Stepfather's Role

Is the groom's stepfather part of the wedding party?

I am the groom - my father is still alive and both he and the bride's father are wearing hired morning dress, along with my two half brothers (sons of my Dad) and the bride's brother, who are all ushers. Should my stepfather expect to have morning dress hired for him as well? I am not very close to him but what does protocol state on this?

A1.Protocol these days is very much set with diplomacy in mind. I think it would be appropriate for all the 'family' members and wedding party to be in morning hire and this would include your step-father. This prevents individuals feeling less involved than others or avoids situations where one person may feel less regarded than another.

It is always a sensitive area when step-families are involved in the planning as there are more feelings to consider. As long as you don't mind, I would think it the most sensitive solution to invite your step-father to wear morning suit too.

Good luck for the rest of your wedding.

Kind regards

(Answered by Siobhan Barron)


A2. As he will be in the close fmaily photographs, I would advise that he was part of the Grooms men and should therefore have morning suit.

(Answered by Emma Bennet)



A3. Traditionally the Father of the Groom is not a member of the wedding party and therefore not required to dress in the same outfits as the rest of the groom’s attendants. Consequently it would not be traditional for your stepfather to dress as a member of the wedding party either. However, it is increasingly common for modern couples to ignore this aspect of etiquette and and to’ visually’ include both parents and step-parents as members of the bridal party and hire similar outfits for all the men.

To a large extent it depends on how much you wish to adhere to etiquette and how involved you wish your stepfather to be in your special day. If he will play a role in the ceremony itself (although I am guessing he won’t as you say you are not particulary close to him) then it might be more appropriate, although not essentia,l for him to wear a similar outfit. If he is simply going to be present on the day and not involved in the ceremony, then it is perfectly acceptable for him to dress as one of the guests. A number of brides and grooms in similar situations consider offering step-parents a buttonhole to match the other members of the bridal party or giving them a small role in the day to make them feel more included.

If you are concerned about hurting feelings then perhaps it would be a good idea to ask your parents to find out how they feel about the issue and how your mothers partner is likely to feel etc. In the end though, what is most important is how you feel about the choice you make – this is your day after all!

As for who bears the cost if you do decide to hire a suit for your stepfather - traditionally the groom is only responsible for paying for his outfit and the hire of suits for his best man and ushers. The groom's parents traditionally pay for their own outfits, so etiquette would not dictate that you meet the cost of hiring a suit for your stepfather. Again it depends how keen you are to stick to the rules of etiquette – you might feel that the cost of hiring one additional suit is a little one in comparison to the cost of bruised feelings and tricky conversations!

One thing I would advise though is that you discuss financial responsibilities with everyone involved right at the start, so that nobody is unclear about what they are and are not expected to pay for!

Try not to worry too much though – am sure you will have a wonderful day whatever you decide!

Best of luck

(Answered by Clare Coleman)

A4. I think it would be great if all the gents in your wedding party were in morning suits. I understand you don't feel very close to him and are unsure of what you should do but this would be a lovely gesture, it will make him feel good and that he is part of your special day. And you can be proud of yourself for offering this to him and taking the time to consider this - good on you!

It will also look fab in the group photographs.

(Answered by Mrs S)


A5. You do not need to hire morning dress for your step father. Both the fathers and the ushers are wearing it and they are the main wedding party. If you particulary wanted him to wear morning dress, then there is nothing to state that he can not, but you are certainly not expected to automatically include him in this..

(Answered by Suzie Gillespie)