A1. You’re really caught between a rock and a hard place aren’t you? You’ll either upset your family if you un-ask her or you run the risk of her upsetting you both on the day and in the build up.
My advice to you would be to tread carefully – don’t give her the reaction it seems she’s looking for. If she wants to use another hairdresser, let her. Book the rest of the bridal party in for their appointments and let her know you haven’t arranged something for her ‘as you understand she doesn’t like that hairdresser’ but be clear she’ll have to arrange her appointment on the morning and travel to and from. If she’s disrupting plans for the hen night, carry on regardless and just let her know the date and time that it’s going to be and say ‘we’ll be so upset if you can’t make it but this date was the best for the majority of people’. To be blunt, the wedding doesn’t revolve around her and this is a subtle way to remind her of that. You’re not being cruel, you’re not starting arguments, you’re just getting on with all the arrangements. If she feels she’s being left out of the planning completely, I don’t think she’ll like that at all and she might well be a bit more accommodating to avoid being shut out.
But, if nothing changes, I think you might
just have to accept the fact that all she’s going
to do it turn up on the day and wear the dress. If that
happens, try to swallow the hurt and enjoy your wedding
day. You’re marrying the woman you love and no bridesmaid
can ruin that. Good luck.
(Answered
by Tamryn Kirby)
A2.
Isn't it funny that weddings
can bring out the best but also the worst in people?
Are the bridesmaids having the same style on the day? If
not, then agree that your sister can go to her own salon
but on the understanding that A) You will not pay B) she
must be back with the bride and bridesmaids at X time. Reiterate
that you & the bride are disappointed because you would
have liked the bride and ALL bridesmaids to bond the morning
of the wedding. You can also mention it doesn't give a good
impression if the grooms sister doesn't want to spend time
with the other girls. I know its emotional blackmail but
sometimes that is the only way forward.
If on the other hand all bridesmaids are having the same
style then explain to your sister for continuity she must
have her hair done at the hairdressers otherwise she will
look like the odd one out; and the photos will look strange
with one bridesmaids hair different to the others. Explain
that it is really important that the 2 ladies that mean
a lot to you will be united on the day and that it will
make you proud seeing her walking down the aisle with your
bride.
Good luck and remember the only thing that matters in all
of this is becoming husband and wife, don't let your sisters
childishness spoil the day.
(Answered
by Bernadette Chapman)
A3.
Oooh families, don't you just love 'em!!
First and foremost this is your day and nothing or nobody
should spoil that. Luckily the wedding is still a little
way off, so you have some time to either come to a compromise
or tell her that her services are no longer required. Firstly,
its not too much of an issue if she wants to get her hair
done by her own hairdresser, you will probably find that
if the rest of the bridal party are all having their hair
done together, she won't want to be left out and will go
along anyway! I take it from the dress situation that she
doesn't want to wear it on the evening, again if the rest
of the bridesmaids keep their dresses on, she won't want
any attention taken away from her.
If she really is digging her heels in and you think that
this may cause you big problems on the day, then you really
have to sit down with your family and try and get them onside,
explain that it is your big day and you would rather have
your sister onside than have her making a fuss. You could
try reverse psychology and tell her that you really want
her to play a major part on your special day and if she
could just do this one thing for you, it would make you
very happy.
If all else fails and she still insists on being a pain,
then make it clear that you will have a fantastic day with
or without her as bridesmaid, but you would much rather
do it with her.
The key I think, is getting your family onside. It sounds
as though your sister is jealous of all the attention you
and your fiancee are getting, so maybe the softly, softly
approach may work, make her feel special and wanted - it
may just work!!
Good Luck!!
(Answered
by Tracey Ellis)