Q.I am a 34 year old male and am dating a 39 year old woman. We have been talking about marriage and, have both agreed that it feels right. When we do marry, it will be the first for both of us. My question is, her father passed away a few years ago, so according to tradition, whom do I ask for permission to marry her? Her mother is still alive as she also has a younger brother(my age). Would I ask the mother(her parent) or her brother(the next male heir)?

A1. This is a difficult question but I would ask her mother as she is her parent. Her brother would of course give her away at the wedding.
It is very nice to hear that some people still have traditional values. I wish you every happiness in your forthcoming marriage
(Answered by Sue Waklin)


A2. First of all congratulations on taking the decision to marry. Personally I feel you should ask the Mother, I think she would be honoured and proud that you asked for her daughters hand in marriage. Good luck and enjoy planning your wedding.
(Answered by Bernadette Chapman)

A3. Firstly, congratulations on finding the person you want to propose to!

I would suggest that you speak to her mother in the absence of her father. I'm sure that she will be very touched that you have undertaken such a gesture, as it doesn't happen quite so much these days. When you speak to her mother, you could suggest whether the mother feels it appropriate to ask the brother, and take your lead from her. You then win on all fronts, as you've asked the permission of her mother, and enquired about whether the mother feels it appropriate to speak to the brother.

I sincerely hope that your request is welcomed with open arms, and wish you the very best of luck.
(Answered by Emma Pirie)

A4. This is an easy one, it would be appropriate to ask her mother, a gesture that I am sure she would appreciate.
(Answered by Tracey Ellis)

A4. Firstly, congratulations on your decision to get married! Weddings and marriage bring up all sorts of etiquette questions and this is often the most controversial! I think that it is a lovely tradition to obtain ‘permission’ for a ladies hand in marriage and as you have quite rightly said, this is usually sought from the father of your bride to be. In this case, as he is sadly deceased, I feel that the next person ‘in command’ would be her Mother. Her mother has played an important role in molding your ‘bride to be’ into who she is today, and I feel she would appreciate this gesture very much. If you are unsure how her brother would feel about not being asked himself, how about asking these two important members of her family out for a meal to ensure they are at the same time at the same place and ask them both? This could even double up as an unofficial engagement party! Either way, I think her family would be very touched to know they are welcoming such a thoughtful person into their family. Good luck!
(Answered by Tamryn Kirby)