Ask the Aunties about...

...The Ceremony

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A mother's place (II)

I am a widow and so as not to cause a family rift with my brother, cousin, friends (male) all of whom would like to give my daughter ‘away’, I would like to do this myself.

I thought I would like to go to my place in the church and from there step out at the appropriate time. Is it, in your opinion, all right for my daughter (followed by her sister and friend who are to be the bridesmaids) to walk down the aisle alone?

At the reception, should I stand on my own to receive the guests, followed by the groom’s parents and then the bride and groom?

Do you also think that both my cousin and my late husband’s best friend could each give a short speech and then I could propose a toast to the bride and groom.

A1.It's obvious that you have thought very carefully about this and think it all sounds a perfect (and sensitive) solution to everything.

It's fine for your daughter to walk down the aisle alonge in fact, many brides choose to do this for many different reasons.

As far as the receiving line goes, if you're happy receiving guests on your own that's absolutely fine but if you'd prefer a little moral support, why not ask both your brother and/or husband's best friend to receive with you. All variations are perfectly acceptable and just personal choice.

Very good luck for the big day, I'm sure it will be very special for you all. Warmest wishes, .
(Answered by Siobhan Barron)


A2. I think that it is lovely that you want to give your daughter 'away.' We often work with clients where the bride's father is not around for one reason or another, and your idea is an appropriate alternative to the 'traditional.' Might I suggest that the traditions are there only as a guideline, so feel free to tweak and alter them whenever you want, or the scenario dictates. Although different circumstances, my mother gave me away, as she was the parent who brought me up, although I was lucky in that my father was still very much part of the day.

Have you thought about walking up the aisle with your daughter? Would she like that... would you? I do realise what an emotional time this must be. Two of my best friends were without a parent at their weddings... one lost her mother, another her father. Whilst it was obviously a very emotional day for them (and for everyone who knew the families well), each of them found a way to tailor their ceremony so that it worked for them. If you don't want to walk down the aisle with her, then your idea is one of a number of possible alternatives. The couple could even walk down the aisle together! Don't be afraid to do things differently... we all have different circumstances, which need to be dealt with in individual ways!

With regard to a receiving line... that is entirely up to you. If you are happy and willing to stand their on your own, then fine! If you feel you might need some moral support, is there someone else who is close to your daughter who might be in a position to join you in welcoming the guests? Or... perhaps you want to be more informal, and not have a receiving line?! Depending on numbers of guests, they can take a long time to get through, when you might want to be mingling with guests in a more informal manner.

With regard to speeches, again, in my opinion, anyone who is appropriate can give a speech! The kind of people who are invited to a wedding are generally people who know the family, and who will be sensitive to the situation... so don't worry about it... just do your very best to enjoy it!

I'm sure you are, but talk with your daughter about what she might like for the day. I'm confident that together, and with the advice that my fellow 'Aunties' and I have offered, you will come up with the ideal solution.

We wish you very best wishes for the big day.
(Answered by Emma Pirie)


A3. The wonderful thing about weddings today is that there are no hard and fast rules. Weddings are about families getting together to celebrate a loved one’s marriage. I think it is a lovely idea that you want give your daughter away – and I think your daughter will think so too.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with accompanying your daughter down the aisle, after all it’s you who is bringing her to her new husband.

Thankfully speeches are also moving on and they no longer follow tradition - I have been involved in weddings where the bridesmaid made a joint speech with the best man, and where only the happy couple got up to say a few words. If you are giving your daughter away, and you felt confident, then it’s only right that you say a few words – what better person to talk about your daughter than you. And it would be very sweet of you to mention your late husband in the toasts.

I hope I have been of help, and if you need any more advice, just give me a call, or drop me an email.
(Answered by Aileen Boyle)