My fiance wants his two sister-in-laws to be bridesmaids in the
wedding (mainly because his two brothers will be groomsmen). I
am not strongly opposed to asking the two sister in laws, however,
I have a list of friends (5, but I could choose more!) I have
wanted to invite for a long time. Now, having to include his two
family members, I can only choose 3 friends and I am worried about
who to choose, or even, if I HAVE to ask the two sister in laws.
No one has been asked yet. I need to make a better decision in
my head first.
Please let me know what to do. Is it rude to decide that I do
not want the two sister-in laws?
A1.It
is not usual to have a sister in law as a bridesmaid, unless of
course you happen to be close friends! Your fiancé gets
to choose his groomsmen and you choose your bridesmaids (not him!)
I am quite sure that your sister in laws do not expect to be asked
and are quite happy to attend the wedding as guests. It is certainly
not rude to not invite them to be bridesmaids and you should ask
the friends you want.
Hope this helps!
(Answered
by Suzie Gillespie)
A2. There is no etiquette which determines
that you should invite your sister-in-laws just because your fiance
will be having their husbands as groomsmen. It is your perogative
to decide who you would like to be your attendants and you should
choose who you want the most.
Often there is an 'expectation' from families that certain members
will be involved automatically just because they are family. I
think you're entitled to have whatever you've always dreamed of
and if this involves your close friends then go ahead and invite
them. Your sister-in-laws may not have even considered the thought
that you might ask them to be bridesmaids or even want to be so
you might be worrying about nothing!
You could always offer your sister-in-laws some other role in
the wedding, maybe get them involved with planning or give them
an alternative responsibility on the day (like reading a poem
at the service) which will show them that they are still important
to you.
I'm sure everything will work out fine. Good luck
(Answered
by Siobhan Barron)
A3. It is normal to have 1 or 2 of the
grooms sisters as bridesmaids but not sister-in-laws, this is
something I have never heard of before! So, to answer your question
I would sit him down and explain you have 5 friends very dear
to you that you would like as bridesmaids and it would be incredibly
hard to choose between them.
Do the sister-in-laws have children? If so, you can remind your
fiancee that the children would need their Mums to look after
them.
Are all your friends unmarried? If yes then great, traditionally
Bridesmaids should be unmarried which means your sister-in-laws
are not suitable.
Do your sister-in-laws have small children i.e flowergirl ages?
This could be a great way to involve them.
I hope this helps and best of luck with your wedding planning.
(Answered
by Bernadette Chapman)
A4. There is still plenty of time between
now and your wedding, so you have loads of time to think about
your choice of attendants. Attendants are normally made up from
friends or family from both the bride and groom and I can understand
why your fiance would like his sister-in-laws to be bridesmaids.
That said, his sister-in-laws are probably not expecting to be
asked seeing as they are not blood relatives.
Is your fiancee choosing his groomsmen? If he is then you may
like to agree with him that he chooses his attendants and you
choose yours. You have time on your side and there is no reason
why you can't have any number of bridesmaids, if cost is a consideration,
you could always suggest that your bridesmaids contribute to their
outfits. If you decide that you have to leave somebody out from
being a bridesmaid, how about asking them to do a reading, that
way they still play an important role in the ceremony.
Another option, do your fiances sister-in-laws have children?
iI so, I am sure that they would be thrilled if you asked their
little boy or girl to be page boy or flower girl.By doing this,
you keep the adult attendants to those friends that you have selected
but keep his family happy by involving the little ones.
Good luck.
(Answered
by Tracey Ellis)
This question comes up time and time again and I always say the
same thing. The bridesmaid is the brides domain. It is easy to
say, but you really do have to go with who you would like.
The bridesmaids are there to assist the bride, therefore
it should be the brides choice. And if that happens to be close
friends over in-laws, then so be it. Perhaps you should not have
5 bridesmaid and so reduce the scope for strife between you and
your fiancé. Instead pick 2 of your oldest friends, or
closest friends, to match the groomsmen. Also you could share
tasks with the other friends and sister inlaws, making them feel
included.
It will all work out – remember, weddings
are a joyous occasion and are not meant to be a political battleground.
(Answered
by Eileen Paterson)