My fiance wants his two sister-in-laws to be bridesmaids in the wedding (mainly because his two brothers will be groomsmen). I am not strongly opposed to asking the two sister in laws, however, I have a list of friends (5, but I could choose more!) I have wanted to invite for a long time. Now, having to include his two family members, I can only choose 3 friends and I am worried about who to choose, or even, if I HAVE to ask the two sister in laws. No one has been asked yet. I need to make a better decision in my head first.
Please let me know what to do. Is it rude to decide that I do not want the two sister-in laws?

A1.It is not usual to have a sister in law as a bridesmaid, unless of course you happen to be close friends! Your fiancé gets to choose his groomsmen and you choose your bridesmaids (not him!) I am quite sure that your sister in laws do not expect to be asked and are quite happy to attend the wedding as guests. It is certainly not rude to not invite them to be bridesmaids and you should ask the friends you want.
Hope this helps!

(Answered by Suzie Gillespie)


A2. There is no etiquette which determines that you should invite your sister-in-laws just because your fiance will be having their husbands as groomsmen. It is your perogative to decide who you would like to be your attendants and you should choose who you want the most.

Often there is an 'expectation' from families that certain members will be involved automatically just because they are family. I think you're entitled to have whatever you've always dreamed of and if this involves your close friends then go ahead and invite them. Your sister-in-laws may not have even considered the thought that you might ask them to be bridesmaids or even want to be so you might be worrying about nothing!

You could always offer your sister-in-laws some other role in the wedding, maybe get them involved with planning or give them an alternative responsibility on the day (like reading a poem at the service) which will show them that they are still important to you.
I'm sure everything will work out fine. Good luck

(Answered by Siobhan Barron)


A3. It is normal to have 1 or 2 of the grooms sisters as bridesmaids but not sister-in-laws, this is something I have never heard of before! So, to answer your question I would sit him down and explain you have 5 friends very dear to you that you would like as bridesmaids and it would be incredibly hard to choose between them.

Do the sister-in-laws have children? If so, you can remind your fiancee that the children would need their Mums to look after them.

Are all your friends unmarried? If yes then great, traditionally Bridesmaids should be unmarried which means your sister-in-laws are not suitable.

Do your sister-in-laws have small children i.e flowergirl ages? This could be a great way to involve them.

I hope this helps and best of luck with your wedding planning.

(Answered by Bernadette Chapman)


A4. There is still plenty of time between now and your wedding, so you have loads of time to think about your choice of attendants. Attendants are normally made up from friends or family from both the bride and groom and I can understand why your fiance would like his sister-in-laws to be bridesmaids. That said, his sister-in-laws are probably not expecting to be asked seeing as they are not blood relatives.

Is your fiancee choosing his groomsmen? If he is then you may like to agree with him that he chooses his attendants and you choose yours. You have time on your side and there is no reason why you can't have any number of bridesmaids, if cost is a consideration, you could always suggest that your bridesmaids contribute to their outfits. If you decide that you have to leave somebody out from being a bridesmaid, how about asking them to do a reading, that way they still play an important role in the ceremony.

Another option, do your fiances sister-in-laws have children? iI so, I am sure that they would be thrilled if you asked their little boy or girl to be page boy or flower girl.By doing this, you keep the adult attendants to those friends that you have selected but keep his family happy by involving the little ones.
Good luck.

(Answered by Tracey Ellis)


This question comes up time and time again and I always say the same thing. The bridesmaid is the brides domain. It is easy to say, but you really do have to go with who you would like.

The bridesmaids are there to assist the bride, therefore it should be the brides choice. And if that happens to be close friends over in-laws, then so be it. Perhaps you should not have 5 bridesmaid and so reduce the scope for strife between you and your fiancé. Instead pick 2 of your oldest friends, or closest friends, to match the groomsmen. Also you could share tasks with the other friends and sister inlaws, making them feel included.

It will all work out – remember, weddings are a joyous occasion and are not meant to be a political battleground.

(Answered by Eileen Paterson)