Q. Who should be Chief Bridesmaid - my 12 year old daughter who I would like to be or my twin sister, who says she should be.

A1.There is no doubt that your choice should be to ask your daughter first, as you'd prefer her to be, and no doubt she would also be thrilled to be asked. If she says she'd prefer to step back and not have so much responsibility then you're left to ask your twin.

You can explain to your twin that you'll need her support far more throughout your build up for your big day and arranging your hen night etc, but that as your daughter is only 12 and therefore at the age where being a bridesmaid is such a privilage that you feel it wouldn't be fair to deprive her of the honour.

Your sister will understand as she was 12 once too, and will have far more fun ridiculing you on your hen night!
(Answered by Pearl Bayford)

A2. As tradition goes, the chief bridesmaid would be the bride's sister or a very close friend. She would also undertake many responsibilities on the
wedding day. However many brides today want to step away from tradition and do something different. So there is nothing stopping you from having your daughter as your chief bridesmaid. You could just have two bridesmaids, enabling you to share the moment with both.

It is only tradition that states that you must have a chief bridesmaid, so go ahead and do something different! We hope this helps you in your decision.
(Answered by Adeline St-John)


A3. It depends what the title 'Chief' Bridesmaid means to the Bride & Groom. This role traditionally holds some responsibilty, such as organising the hen night, taking care of the bridal flowers and dress and also dancing with the bestman! If this is the case your sister should be given this job. If it just means that they call themselves the chief bridesmaid and nothing else then its your wedding and I am sure that you twin sister would be caring enough to understand that it is a big day for your daughter as well as you and your partner. Some churches do perform 'Family' ceremonies where children can be more involved in the service, please call me to find out more. Hope this helps.
(Answered by Emma-Jane Bennet)

What are their duties?

Q. What duties can I leave to the Bestman & Bridesmaids?

A. If your bride's maids are old enough, they can arrange the hen night. Discuss how you would like them to be involved in the rest of the day's arrangements, you will need to have time to visit lots of suppliers so you may want to allocate some areas of the day to them. If you are using a Co-ordinator, Bridesmaids are very good to help with ideas and opinions rather than the practical stuff. Many of my brides choose to bring their Bridesmaids to meetings rather than the groom when discussing the flowers or invitations. Bestmen are good for the Stag Night and Transport. They need to deal with the staff at the venue to make sure the ushers and suppliers are doing their job. I work closely with the bestmen on the day and liase over timings, etc. throughout the day.

(Answered by Emma-Jane Bennet)

What's the Usher's Role?

Q. My partner has been asked to be an Usher at two weddings - one this year and one next spring. He has accepted to do this, but wants to make sure that he does it properly for both friends. What are his main roles - both on the day and in the run up to the weddings? Are there any good books that he might buy to use as checklists?

A1. The main role and responsibility for an Usher at a wedding is to ensure everyone knows where they are going and is available to give help to guests on the day if needed. A simple checklist comprises:-

1. To hand out Service Sheets to the guests on arrival to the church/venue and help them to their seats.
2. Help the Best Man organise lifts for the guests to the reception
3. Pay special attention to the needs of the Brides Mother and Grooms Parents and escort them to their seats for the ceremony.

If your partner ensures he follows the above, he will certainly do both his friends proud.

(Answered by Sam Booth)



A2..Your partners main role as an usher are as follows:

IN THE RUN UP:
Assist the bestman with the organisation of the all important stag night
Be available for suit hire fittings

ON THE DAY
Ensure you arrive at the church/venue well the before the guests
Greet guests as they arrive and hand out 'Order of Service'
Assist with seating guests in the appropriate places
Assist moving guests from the Church to the reception
Look after the bridesmaids
During the dancing make sure the bridesmaids/mothers etc have someone to
dance with

At the reception, the best man really takes over and the ushers should be able to relax!
(Answered by Suzie Gillespie)

Ushers

Would you be able to answer this question for me:

On the day of the wedding, how early should the ushers arrive at the church? For instance if the ceremony is at 3pm - should the ushers arrive at 2.30pm, or earlier, or later?

I have checked out several wedding etiquette books/websites but haven't found this mentioned.

The Ushers should really be among the first people to arrive, to sort out any last minute hitches and make things are as they should be and, of course to greet the first guests. For a 3pm Wedding they should be at the church at 2.30 at the very latest and ideally quarter of an hour before that.

Who Pays for Suits?

Who usually pays for the ushers suits? I have been told that these days it is more fashionable that the ushers pay, is this true? The suit hire has cost £65.00 we have paid half for all concerned, but I have one usher who thinks we should pay for all the hire as we have asked him to be involved, maybe he doesn't see it as a honour. What advice can you give me???


Traditionally, the groom pays for the cost of the men's formal dress, although it is true that more and more today the costs are borne by those in the wedding party. It's a situation where you both have a point, tradition being on his side and fashion on yours. If he feels that it's not a cost he can or should bear, then it's not worth falling out about - perhaps you could explian that you can't afford to pay for everybodies suit, but if he feels strongly about it you're happy to pay for his. You may find that he changes his mind and offers to pay for the whole hire, once he no longer feels that he's being asked to pay for something he doesn't think he should.