The Etiquette and Tradition of the Seating Plan

The top table at a wedding is invariably a straight table facing the assembled guests. This allows everyone to see the wedding party, makes speeches easy to give and hear, and allows the bride and groom to see all the guests.

There are a number of 'traditional' seating plans for the top table some of which are set out below:

1.
Groom sits to the right of the bride
Mother of the bride to the right of the groom
Father of the groom to the right of the bride's mother
Best man to the right of the father of the groom
Father of the bride to the left of the bride
Mother of the groom to the left of the bride's father
Bridesmaid to the left of the groom's mother.

Best Man	Groom's Father	Bride's Mother	Groom	Bride	Bride's Father	Groom's Mother	Chief Bridesmaid
Guests

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2.
Bride sits to the right of the groom
Bridesmaid to the left of the groom
Best man to the right of the bride
Mother of the bride to the right of the best man
Father of the groom to the right of the bride's mother
Father of the bride to the left of the bridesmaid
Mother of the groom to the left of the bride's father

Groom's Father	Bride's Mother	Best Man	Bride	Groom	Bridesmaid	Bride's Father	Groom's Mother
Guests

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3 .
Bride sits to the right of the groom
Father of the bride to the right of the bride
Mother of the groom to the right of the bride's father
Best man to the right of the mother of the groom
Mother of the bride to the left of the groom
Father of the groom to the left of the mother of the bride
Bridesmaid to the left of the groom's father

Best Man	Groom's Mother	Bride's Father	Bride	Groom	Bride's Mother	Groom's Father	Bridesmaid
Guests

The fact that these are only the most common of a number of options would indicate that as long as the wedding party are seated at the top table and the bride sits beside the groom, the other placings of the seating plan are fairly flexible.

One of the biggest casualties of today's changing family structures is the top table at the wedding and a major potential difficulty comes in the case of one set of parents who are divorced and don't want to sit at the same table. In this case they should be seated at different tables among the guests and their places taken by the usher and second bridesmaid or by a favourite family member.

If the other set of parents are still married, they should not be expected to give up their seats at the top table in some attempt at symmetry. In the unfortunate case of parents who cannot set aside their differences for the biggest day of their child's life, there is no reason at all that anyone other than themselves should have to bear the consequences.

The thing to aim for is harmony in the seating plan and if tradition has to be sacrificed to achieve that, so be it.

For Toastmaster Graham Hunt's article on seating and other Etiquette click here.