The Etiquette and Tradition of Gifts
There are two distinct traditions regarding
gifts at weddings; those given to the couple from friends and
family and those given by the couple to the attendants; best
man, bridesmaids, ushers and others.
Gifts for the Couple
The tradition of giving gifts comes from
a time, not so long ago where a young couple would get married
after having spent their lives living in their parental home.
They would be setting up home together from scratch and the
older, better off among their friends and family would contribute
gifts of kitchenware, textiles and even furniture to help them
start their new home.
Today, however few couples start married life from scratch.
Most newlyweds already have at least one set of cutlery between
them and to stop the same gift being given by 8 different people
the wedding gift list developed.
It makes all round sense for the couple to draw up a list of
things which they want or need and for everyone who is going
to give gifts to use this list. This saves people wasting money
and time by giving a gift which is either unwanted or unnecessary.
There are a number of different ways of organising
the gift list. For smaller occasions the mother of the bride
or groom may be asked to take charge of co-ordinating who gives
which gift. In this case everyone should be informed by word
of mouth to contact the person holding the list to find out
which gifts still remain to be bought.
Where a large list has been drawn up couple might find it easier
to use the wedding gift services of one of the larger department
stores to co-ordinate the gift lists. Many of these are now
computerised and some even make it possible to view the gift
list over the Internet.
Generally it is good practice to imagine the amount
of money that you would expect each guest to spend on a gift
for you and add an item in that price range to your list.
It's not generally accepted to ask people to contribute cash
towards a larger gift, although that does vary form case to
case. People, quite naturally, like to give something individual
from themselves, rather than paying for an eighth of a new dining
table.
After the list has been drawn up and the gifts
received, it is vital that you write a personal thank you letter
to each and every person who took the trouble to send you a
gift. The number of people who seem to accept gifts as their
right and don't even have the courtesy to say thank you can
be quite staggering. There is absolutely no excuse whatsoever
not to write a thank you note.
When you write the note is not really so important. If you have
time you can write before the wedding; perhaps even immediately
after receiving the gift. On the other hand, you may find it
easier to write all 142 letters in one sitting. With two of
you doing it, that works out to a mere 71 letters each. By the
way, a mass produced letter drawn up on the computer is also
a no-no.
When you have the show of presents, you should ensure that the
gift is accompanied by the card from the person who sent it.
That way you can be sure that the cheapskates get their public
comeuppance.
Gifts for Attendants
The groom is expected to purchase gifts for
the attendants on behalf of the couple. These are usually small
gifts which the attendant will be able to keep as a memento
of their part in the day - perhaps a picture frame or candleholder
for the bridesmaids and cufflinks or a tankard or quaich for
the best man and ushers; something of that order.
It is not generally expected that great
expense is incurred in the purchase of these gifts, but thought
should be given to buying the sort of thing that will last and
give the attendant a pleasant memory for years to come.
